For anyone who hasn?t read a Lonely Planet foreign-language phrasebook, you?re in for a surprise. Supposedly, these are the phrases that travelers in particular are most likely to need.

Check out the ?society and customs? section. There you will find such useful gems as lines you might use to pick someone up at a bar, as well as a variety of ways to turn someone down ? depending on how rude or adamant you want to be about it. Also those little items a well-prepared traveler should never be without, such as ?Where can I find the nearest methadone clinic?? and ?I?m a heroin addict. Do you know where I can get some clean needles??

I like to have fun when I travel, but remind me never to travel with the LP people ? I?m not quite up to their speed.